Unknown

I'm lost between two stories...

One has been nurtured for a life of drugs and alcohol. The other has been raped and scarred enough to pave their lives with the pain and memories they now prescribe to as "them". How does one chose which to help? With one hand you deny and with the other you accept. The choice should be clear for anyone going into this business; I am left with strange ideas and incomplete decisions. Maybe specializing in one and denying the other is one of human’s most common virtues. You pick and chose who you love, how you live and who you accept into your inner circle of themes. Every single choice you make somehow paints the others' life as it does yours.

I don't know what to do next. I know what I want, but I don't know where my help is needed most. Do I play the selfish card and pretend that my own pain and experience can help others who seemingly walked in my shoes? Or do I take on a foreign mountain and buy some hiking boots? I've never been one to pick the scenery. Going into law would have been so much easier, really. Corporate law is easy, the pay is great and you can buy fancy shit to cover up the guilt. After all, what is guilt anyway?

" Guilt is like a bag of fuckin' bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down." - Milton

On the other hand, if you walk into a recovery clinic, most counselors are recovering addicts themselves. Maybe having walked in the "experience" shoes is something of a foreshadowing, wouldn’t' that be poetic...
"I was raped so that I could be here today to help you. " If that's not narcissistic, I don’t know what is...And so the battle continues from one cerebral house of pain to the other. Maybe I should flip a coin, ha!

I don't remember what made me want to do Corporate law when I did. I think I kind of "fell" into it or however you say that. I did love it though, until I woke up. Thankfully I didn't plastic wrap my emotions as so many do. It takes a noble man to become a lawyer and an artist to play one. I think I would have played one. What I mean is, I would have pretended to care about the law, acted so swiftly for that Oscar ($$$). Most lawyers are excellent actors sadly ignored by entertainment agents.

And here I am avoiding another decision, one that will change lives, first mine, then possibly yours. It sounds so selfish, to think that one person's decision is another's answer. Let's just say that I believe in the "big" picture where all people matter. At least that's how I have to force myself to think in order to help myself and then them.

-Please take a seat and tell me of your troubles..